My Very First Police Escort

On a much needed run to Target (because who doesn’t NEED Teddy Grahams, tank tops, and watermelon-scented Kandoo soap?) I decided to get new patio chairs. Hubby was picking up Monkey Man from my parents so I had a window of time to get my errands done. I didn’t just decide to buy patio chairs, but figured this would be a good day since everyday is a good day for a Target run.

Hubby took the Matrix to a meeting, which, in this family, is the “big car” – read: the car you use when you need to haul stuff. Our other car is a Nissan Sentra, not quite fit to haul stuff. But haul stuff I did, and in the trunk went 4 patio chairs. Stuffed in there. No rope, no bungee. Just God’s hand giving them a firm hold.

I live one mile from Target so I figured this would be very easy. I drove very slowly with my hazards on (just a side note - I hate when people do this, when they buy oversized things and try to put them in their trunk or on their roof and then they drive with their hazards on so that we can all watch for flying mattresses and airborne patio chairs. But, I wanted those chairs TODAY).

I got out of the parking lot and just as I was about to turn onto the main road, yes, you guessed it. Splat. All 4 chairs on the road. With a huge tractor trailer approaching the green light to either crush my chairs or kill me. I pulled over quickly, jumped out and hauled butt to those chairs and got them up on the grass. I put them back in the trunk and then, wouldn’t you know, a police officer pulled up behind me. He was a bit amazed at my lack of intelligence in the “shoving chairs in a trunk without tying them down” department. I nervously laughed and made jokes. He was VERY nice and friendly and, most importantly, without a ticket in his hand. I don’t even know if you can get a ticket for this, but if I had, I would have had to return the chairs to pay for the ticket. So thank you, Mr. Police Officer, because my chairs really do look quite nice on the patio.

Thank goodness for my nervous giggling and joking around. He commented that it was a good thing I was so happy and cheerful because otherwise he would have yelled at me (I will now thank Monkey Man for a good morning therefore leaving me happy and cheerful. Monkey Man totally got me out of trouble! Nice work, kid!). I am essentially a good girl, like to follow the rules, and have no intentions of landing myself in the slammer in this lifetime, so if the police officer yelled at me he may have needed to call an ambulance because I might have cried so hard I would have hyperventilated and passed out. Little did he know that he dodged that medical emergency.

Mr. Police Officer continued on with his good Samaritan ways and got a rope from his trunk and tied down my chairs. He then escorted me home and untied the chairs for me. I thanked him many times then wondered what the heck the neighbors were thinking. I’ll have to invite them over for a drink on the patio and explain the sordid story of their lawless neighbor.