We are leaving for our much anticipated two-week pilgrimage to the Holy Land today. This Holy Land has Mickey Mouse as its Supreme Ruler and sucks the money right from your wallet the moment you set foot on its soil. Yes, we are leaving for Disney World and the Disney Cruise.
My parents left two days ago as they decided to drive while we chose to fly. When I say I chose to fly, that means I chose to not be in the car for 20 hours hearing the ever-melodic, “Are we there yet?” and instead will be double-fisting Xanax like a PMSing woman eating M&Ms while pretending for Monkey Man’s sake that being on an airplane is as natural as walking. Inside my head I will be an absolute lunatic until that plane lands.
We spoke to my parents last night when they arrived at their overnight stop in Georgia. Monkey Man asked to speak to my mom and when he got on the phone with her, this was the conversation from our end:
Monkey Man, whispering: “Aga, can you hear me? I need to whisper this,” he said while walking to the other side of the dining room that both his father and I were sitting in. He then faced the wall and crouched down.
“Aga,” he said still whispering, the way a 7 year-old whispers. Which is to say, he was talking. “You can’t hear me? Okay, I’ll talk louder,” he said as he raised his voice to above a regular speaking volume.
“Listen, I need you buy me as many things as you can buy me.”
You have to hand it to the kid. He didn’t mess around, and went to the source. If my mom loses her shirt because of this child, I will be sure to buy her a new one that says, “I went to Disney World and all I got was my grandson ripping me off.”