Girl Scouts Teach Delicious Life Lessons

Photo by Marit & Toomas Hinnosaar

Memo From Mom

TO: Everyone who has a kid selling something for a fundraiser
RE: Cookies for sale! And wrapping paper and nuts and gift cards and…

I will be the first person to say that Girl Scout Cookie Delivery Day should be a national holiday. All work should cease so that Americans can sit peacefully and binge on Thin Mints, Samoas, Thin Mints and some more Thin Mints. No need to wear your fanciest clothes. Simply don your best elastic waistband pants and settle in for a day of pure cookie nirvana.

I do love Girl Scout Cookies, and am very willing to partake in this old-fashioned, door-to-door sales approach. When a young, eager Girl Scout knocks on my door accompanied by her mom or dad, I have to buy a box or nine of these overpriced artificially preserved delicacies. Even if I shopped with a coupon or two that morning to save a buck, when Girl Scout Cookie time rolls around, I don’t bat an eye at the obscene amount of money it costs for a box of approximately 12 cookies. How could I deny a child working hard and pounding the pavement for her beloved organization? I do it for the charity, I do it for the community and sense of pride for the girls and yes, I do it all for the cookie.

However, when order forms are taped to the lunchroom table at work soliciting my hard-earned money for little Joey’s wrapping paper sale or Janie’s chocolate sale and yes, even for Girl Scout Mary’s Tagalongs, it is quite easy to ignore the silent pleas coming from those faceless forms. This method of passive fundraising doesn’t teach our kids the value of hard work, communication, or graciousness. It simply says, “Look, my kid wants to win a cheap plastic flyer disc. We have no intention of bringing him or her around the neighborhood and teaching our child to say hello, explain the fundraiser to practice good verbal skills, engage in small talk with a neighbor and to say thank you face-to-face with our consumers. We want to get in, get out and get done.”

Let’s add Facebook begging to this, now. We are in the throes of Girl Scout Cookie selling season and I cannot log on to Facebook without being bombarded by people letting me and the world know that their child is selling Girl Scout Cookies. “Patty wants to win an Xbox! Please Buy!” I don’t care if Patty wants to save starving koalas in Australia. Tell Patty to visit or call me and tell me all about the Girl Scouts and how she makes ten cents for her $4.00 box then we’ll talk.

Let's not forget the tried and true best way of selling anything - including beachfront property in Arizona - the grandparents. If time doesn’t allow for neighborhood canvassing and you need to boost sales by a box or 20, hit Grandma up. That’s what we do.

I'm blogging for NJ.com!

Check out my blog posts at NJ.com's parenting blog - the link is NJ.com/parenting.  I post 1-2 times a week   in the same style as this blog.  Things might be a little slower around this site since I'm blogging over there and also writing articles for parenting magazines around the country.  But check back here often as I will be around.  I will also post links to my articles in the magazines here.  The articles are more serious giving information about different parenting topics.  So lots going on in the freelance world but I will not abandon my "baby" - this blog. :)

Resolution from a Real Housewife of New Jersey

Real Housewife Tamra Barney (Orange County) cleans up - at the bank each season.http://www.flickr.com/photos/cleaningquickie

The last New Year’s resolution I made was to walk the dog every day. This was obviously a genius resolution, being made on January 1 in New Jersey, to start walking the dog is sub-zero temperatures. I lasted for about 2 weeks then told Walt, our dog, that he needed to start taking some responsibility for his own health. He had to create and implement his own indoor exercise program because momma wasn’t going outside until she saw a flower poke through the bright green grass.

That was two years ago. Last week, I came up with a lofty New Year's resolution. I will not watch any of the Real Housewives shows. I am a die-hard Real Housewives viewer enjoying Real Housewives of Orange County, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,Real Housewives of New York, and of course, my beloved Real Housewives of New Jersey (I do, however, draw the line at Miami and Atlanta). After a day of work, being mommy, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, making appointments and other actual REAL LIFE housewife duties, I love to become one with my couch and let my brain cells get sucked from my head for an hour.

With a great love and appreciation of such bad, but such good, television, one might wonder what spurred this decision. While watching some pseudo news show about how much some of the housewives make per season, the thought of me contributing to Teresa Giudice's $600,000 per season salary made me want to flip a table. A few other “housewives” were mentioned with season salaries all over $250,000. I decided at that moment that I can no longer contribute to the downfall of America.

I have struggled for quite a while with the reality of these shows, anyway. A housewife, as defined by dictionary.com, is “a married woman who manages her own household, especially as her principal occupation.” Many of the women on the shows are divorced, and/or manage their homes with the help of nannies, personal assistants and other in-home help. They spend their days meeting friends for lunch and talking about other women. Oh, wait. That does sound like some housewives I know.

However, kudos to a few like Vicky from Orange County and Lisa from Beverly Hills as, even though they do not fit the definition, they do actually have careers. Some of the women aren’t just making money off of their so-called fame but have been businesswomen long before they were on the show. They have a brain that is simply masked by their store-bought boobs. A book deal, record deal, or talk-show gig as a result of being on these shows does not count as being talented, motivated or having any sort of intelligence.

I am sure that this resolution will be more of a hiatus than a lifestyle change as I know all too well that when Real Housewives of New Jersey comes back on in the spring, I am going to cave just like Jacqueline gives in to Teresa. My need to see the family drama between the Gorgas and the Giudices will override my current convictions about the evils of these reality shows.

But, hey, it is January 3 and I’ve already lasted longer with my resolution than 25% of Americans.

published on NJ.com January 3, 2013

No Elf on My Shelf

Our elf left a little note this morning.  He was obviously experiencing some guilt for his complete incompetence.

I now contribute to the parenting blog on NJ.com (http://www.nj.com/parenting/)! Please visit weekly as I post twice a week.  The above link takes you to the post that explains the elf situation in our house.  

Happy New Year on December 18

I am way too excited about my new desk calendar.  I dragged Monkey Man to the Holy Land in the cold rain tonight because I just couldn't wait another day to give this $5 gift to myself.  When I arrived home, I tore off the plastic, armed with a freshly sharpened pencil and promptly wrote in some January "things to do."

God, that was soooo good.  I hope it wants to cuddle now.

Pillsbury Cookie Perfection

I spent 5 hours on Saturday baking Christmas cookies with my mom, sister and husband while Monkey Man played Minecraft and called out the occasional, "I'm hungry!" or "I'm thirsty!" or "I just farted!" We baked chocolate chip cookies, butter cookies, snickerdoodles, m&m cookies and ricotta cheese cookies (they sound weird and gross but they are dee-lish-us!).

Hubby and I were in charge of the M&M cookies and they came out flat and hard.  Totally edible with a big glass of milk, but not worthy or giving to a neighbor or teacher. Their presentation screamed more cardboard with red and green circles rather than chewy, delicious confections with m&m surprises.   My sister's specialty is the ricotta cheese cookie and after rolling about 120 balls and baking three cookies sheets of said balls, she realized she forgot to put the ricotta cheese in the ricotta cheese cookies.  Oops.

Next year, I'm sticking with the much-loved Pillsbury sugar cookie.  No mess, all ingredients included even if there is a preservative here or there, 8-10 minutes and Merry Christmas!

Welcome to the Scholastic Crap Fair

‘Tis the season for America’s children to come to school with envelopes, baggies and fistfuls of dollars just waiting to get into the doors of their schools’ Scholastic Book Fair, or as I like to call it, “Book Fair with a table of crap that all the kids want.”

I LOVE the book fair.  I would easily let Monkey Man buy whatever he wants, provided it has a front cover, back cover and pages in between with words on them.  You know, books. But these kids walk into a wonderland of books and target the crap table.  Erasers and pencils.  Okay, fine, we all need erasers and pencils, but the pencils are always the kind that write too light or when sharpened, the funky plastic design peels off.  Then there are pens that light up or have other distracting fluffy, feathery things on them.  And we all know that it’s always the children that need the least number of distractions that make a beeline for those.  A big hit at the Book Fair is pointers with fingers on the ends in which to poke the sh*& out of their little brother or mother or to inevitably turn into a weapon of some sort.  Then there are the book marks.  Don’t even get me started on book marks.  Why would one pay for a strip of paper when there are perfectly good scraps of paper lying around our homes just begging to be repurposed as a book mark?

I volunteered to help today at the Book Fair.  As a parent, I love the book fair and giving Monkey Man the opportunity to shop for BOOKS.  As a teacher, I know the Book Fair sucks.  One teacher taking a class of young children to a store, armed with blank checks or not enough money to buy even the crappiest of crap on that table?  Children standing tugging on teacher’s arm asking if they have enough money while little Jimmy spins in circles and Annie calls from across the room that she really has to go to the bathroom.  Teachers need back up at the Book Fair.

I was there to help the Kindergarten class and then Monkey Man’s 2^nd grade class.  Kindergarten really needs budgeting advice, standing there all wide-eyed with paper and coins having no idea how to use these objects in exchange for other objects, so I was happy to help.  One boy said to me, “I have 5 bucks. Can I get this book?”  I looked at the price and told him in a super-excited mommy voice, “Yes, it’s 5 dollars, so you have the exact amount!”  He said, “Nooo, I have 5 BUCKS.”  See why teachers need backup?

Then Monkey Man’s class came in.  He smiled at me and I waved him over.  I told him he could pick a few books and show me.  He asked me how much he could spend (we have taught him about budgeting and he is very budget conscious.  He's either going to be well-prepared for adulthood or crazy cheap).  I told him he could shop then show me what he wanted and we would decide.  While he shopped, I sweetly helped the other children with the, “Hi, do you need some help?” and a, “Let’s see, sweetie, if you have enough money,” and a “Good choice!  You are all set!”  While I was in the middle of my helping-other-children-kindness, Monkey Man came over to me with a chocolate bar eraser. 

“Mom, can I get this?” I turned from Nicest Mom and Book Fair Helper to Now It’s Time to Deal with My OWN Child: “NO!” and then proceeded to re-channel my sweet mommy-helper voice to continue helping little Joey

Thanks for shopping kids, and have a super fantastic day!  Except, you, Monkey Man.  We already went over the rules this morning about buying crap at the book fair.  But I guess I’ve taught you to ask questions, can’t hurt to try, what’s the worst someone will say, no?  So yeah, good job, but you’re still not getting an eraser.