Thought for the Day

Just in case you are wondering, it IS okay to use your treadmill (or other piece of exercise equipment) as a drying rack when you do actually use said piece of exercise equipment.  So go ahead, dry away!

Polly Want a Cracker...Or a Parrot

Ironically, this conversation had both Monkey Man and me talking like 2 brightly colored, tropical birds.

Monkey Man: I'm saving money for a parrot.

Me: We are not getting a parrot.

Monkey Man: But I'm saving money for a parrot.

Me: We are not getting a parrot. Walt (our dog) would eat a parrot and I will not have any other animals except a dog in my house. (side note: birds and fish freak me out for some strange reason.  And I see no point in reptiles or amphibians as "pets" nor do I see a hamster, guinea pig or other rodent as a pet).

Monkey Man: But I'm SAVING money for a parrot!

Me: That's fine.  But we are never getting a parrot.

Monkey Man: But I AM SAVING MONEY for a parrot!

Me: (Exhausted) It's good to have goals.

Monkey Man's perseverance will serve him very well one day.  One day when he is not in this house anymore driving me crazy.

The Great (Disney) Depression

Walt Disney World is like no other place in the world.  A beautiful castle, fairies, pirates and princesses are awaiting your arrival.  They snicker and cackle as they invite you to buy their cheap, plastic toys for $18 when you know damn well you can buy that sword at the dollar store for a buck.  But still, it’s magical.  Or at least that’s what the “pixie dust” they put in their Magic Kingdom Main Street Bakery brownies makes you believe.

We visited Walt Disney World two weeks ago and followed it up with a voyage on the Disney Fantasy Cruise to St. Maarten and St. Thomas.  This was our 6^th Disney Cruise (Monkey Man’s 3^rd) and my 26^th time visiting Walt Disney World.  Monkey Man has been to Walt Disney World 6 times, so yes, we have definitely drank the Kool-Aid and hit the big ol’ bong of Disney pixie dust.

Each time we visit, I cannot help but to get goosebumps.  Sometimes the goosebumps are from heatstroke because we go in July or August, but usually they are from the sheer wonder and excitement of this magical place.  Since Monkey Man has been with us, it is even better.  He absolutely loves to see the characters, take pictures with them and give them hugs.  I know Disney sucks my hard-earned money from me, but it is so worth being piss poor upon our return home to see that kid’s face light up when Goofy dances with him.

And I fall for their sappy crap every time, too.  When I hear “When you wish upon a star…” pumping through the speakers in Fantasyland, I actually believe it.  For a fleeting moment, I think, “Yes! If I wish upon a star that Rick Springfield will ride Space Mountain with me, it really WILL come true!”  And when I also take my picture with Mickey, I am completely unaware that there is a 5’2” 20 year-old college girl in that suit.  Hell no!  It IS Mickey Mouse!

It simply is the happiest place on earth.  Children sleep-deprived and kept running for 16 hours a day on Mickey Ice Cream Bars and Goofy’s Sour Power Candy.  Exhausted little ones curled into their parents on the Disney bus ride back to the resort trying to seek warmth on a bus that has its air conditioner set to 55 degrees while dreaming of Tinkerbell and Donald Duck.  There is nothing like stroking Monkey Man’s hair as he sits on my lap all drooly and sleeping and adorable knowing that he had the greatest day ever and tomorrow will be just as good or even better.

And the cruise? The cruise is like Disney World on crack, and that’s meant in the nicest, best crack comparison possible.  In addition to bumping into Disney characters everywhere you turn, you get tropical islands, too!  Had enough of Goofy’s shenanigans? Have a rum punch on St. Thomas that is 99.99% rum and will have you thinking that YOU are, in fact, Goofy.  Seriously, people, nobody knows how to make a mixed drink like those that live in the islands. 

And the Disney Cruise has FREE CHILD CARE!!!  Well, free as in you paid $5,000 for a cruise 3 months ago and this was included.  The Oceaneer’s Club & Lab are open from 9 a.m. until midnight.  Hundreds of children all in a Disney craze wrangled by insane counselors who choose to be at sea with these kids for months on end.  What could be better for Mom and Dad?  Monkey Man had a great time attending special activities and my husband and I even sent him on his way when we wanted to see a Big People’s show or string more than 3 words together to each other.

My bed was made 2 times a day on the cruise.  Chocolates awaited my arrival on my pillow each evening and cookies and milk were delivered to my stateroom within minutes of a phone call.  Upon entering the dining room one night, we were greeted by all of the servers with applause, and Monkey Man beamed while marching on beat to their clapping.  When the atrium lobby band played, I didn’t think twice to sing out loud and dance while I passed them en route to the restroom from dinner.  I enjoyed wine with dinner almost every night and totally rocked an 80s Name That Tune Game.  The cruise was fun and carefree, two things adults need a lot more of in our lives.

But, as they say, all good things must come to an end, back to reality, etc.  And the kids know this.  On the last night of our Disney Fantasy cruise, the last evening of our 13-night Disney land and sea adventure, Monkey Man cried.  He figured out how Disney builds you up during your stay, makes you feel like a prince or a princess, gives you this highly unrealistic thought that, just maybe, this IS reality.  Then BAM!  Time to go home! 

No more waking up and spending 12 hours in an amusement park with your entire extended family.  No more leisurely afternoons spent swimming, playing pool games, and eating ice cream 3 times a day.  Back to waking up and forcing fruits and vegetables down Monkey Man's throat to make up for 13 days of vitamin deficiency.  Back to cooking lackluster meals instead of having a 4 course-dinner every evening in a pretty dress with a show and walk around the cruise ship to follow.  Yeah, Monkey Man.  I totally get it.  He cried those tears while I choked them back.  I was sad for him because this is a kids’ dream and if I could have stayed with him on that cruise ship forever, I would have gladly done so in a heartbeat.  I was sad for me because I really, really hate to cook and the thought of grocery shopping was making my heart break.  Clearly, no one is greeting me at my front door asking me to be their guest.

So thank you Disney for not only giving us wonderful family memories, but for providing the Great Disney Depression that never fails to follow.

Let's Not Spoil the Fun

We are leaving for our much anticipated two-week pilgrimage to the Holy Land today.  This Holy Land has Mickey Mouse as its Supreme Ruler and sucks the money right from your wallet the moment you set foot on its soil.  Yes, we are leaving for Disney World and the Disney Cruise.

My parents left two days ago as they decided to drive while we chose to fly.  When I say I chose to fly, that means I chose to not be in the car for 20 hours hearing the ever-melodic, “Are we there yet?” and instead will be double-fisting Xanax like a PMSing woman eating M&Ms while pretending for Monkey Man’s sake that being on an airplane is as natural as walking.  Inside my head I will be an absolute lunatic until that plane lands.

We spoke to my parents last night when they arrived at their overnight stop in Georgia.  Monkey Man asked to speak to my mom and when he got on the phone with her, this was the conversation from our end:

Monkey Man, whispering: “Aga, can you hear me?  I need to whisper this,” he said while walking to the other side of the dining room that both his father and I were sitting in.  He then faced the wall and crouched down.

“Aga,” he said still whispering, the way a 7 year-old whispers.  Which is to say, he was talking.  “You can’t hear me? Okay, I’ll talk louder,” he said as he raised his voice to above a regular speaking volume.

“Listen, I need you buy me as many things as you can buy me.”

You have to hand it to the kid.  He didn’t mess around, and went to the source.  If my mom loses her shirt because of this child, I will be sure to buy her a new one that says, “I went to Disney World and all I got was my grandson ripping me off.”  

My Little Squirt

Monkey Man had diarrhea for the first time in his life since he could actually remember.  I think he had it when he was a baby, but honestly, other than his life-threatening nut and shellfish allergies, this kid stays pretty healthy.  Must be his mother’s OCD and the fact that we essentially live in a Lysol can that is disguised as a house.

He had a really bad stomachache the other night that came on suddenly.  He cried and I stayed with him in the bathroom.  I just had this stomach thing the night before and it was still fresh in my mind how badly my stomach hurt, so I was feeling extra empathetic for the poor kid.  After the first round of butt-yuck, he felt better and was a little amazed at what had just spewed out of him.

The second round he had his dad in there with him.  The following was retold by my husband, since I did not have the awesome privilege of being in the bathroom to witness…

The 3 Stages of Diarrhea as told by a 7 year-old:

1. “Daddy! It’s like my butt is peeing out poop!”
2. “Oooh, my butt is on fire!”
3.  “Ouch.  It hurts to wipe.”

 Leave it to a 7 year-old boy to not only give a play-by-play of bodily functions, but to cut right to the chase and tell it exactly like it is.  

The End of the (F'in) Innocence

During our car ride to yet another baseball game (Monkey Man has been to 3 minor league games and one Yankees game in 16 days) Monkey Man asked me this from the confines of his soon-to-be outgrown booster seat:

“Mommy, is fuck a bad word?”

The angels of Route 80 must been all around me because surprisingly, I did careen off the side of the road.  Normally, the "F" word doesn’t really cause a reaction.  Yes, it’s annoying to hear teenagers saying it trying to be cool, and sure, I might know someone who blurts it out when she drops something or bangs her toe into the corner of my, um, er, HER wall, but when it comes out of MY 7 YEAR-OLD child’s mouth, it’s a bit alarming.

So I launched my attack.  “YES! IT’S THE WORST BAD WORD THERE IS!” I did not divulge that the even worse bad word is the gross, ugly C U Next Tuesday word.  For now, he just needs to know the basic facts on bad words, not disgusting terms for lady parts.

Then I calmed down and asked him where he heard it, silently praying that it wasn’t when I dropped that huge pasta bowl a few weeks ago and it shattered into so many pieces that I am still stepping on shards of glass weeks later.  And maybe continuing to slip out an “Ooooohhhhh Fuuuudddge” ( a la “A Christmas Story) each time.

Monkey Man responded, “Maybe camp?”  “Or maybe (INSERT FRIEND’S NAME HERE) told me it was a bad word?”  He clearly was either very confused and startled by my reaction or was not ratting out his friend. 

He also asked me what the word means.  I simply told him it’s just a mean and yucky word that people use when they aren’t educated enough to use real words.  Yep, mommy is an uneducated fool who throws around mean and yucky words.  Only occasionally, though, like when that wall gets in the way of my friggin’ foot or some a-hole driver cuts me off.  That’s it.  Really.

It made me sad, though, to have to explain this word to him.  As much as his own mother has let one slip, he has never said a bad word.  He has walked past teenagers in the mall saying them, even had some older kids at baseball camp saying a certain choice word that is a synonym for the more juvenile word poop (I was there to witness it), but he has never repeated a word or asked about the words until now.  I almost want him to start running around the house saying, “Poopy Head” just to bring us back to a more simpler time.  He is 7, going into 2^nd grade and I feel my baby slipping away.  And I’m not f’in happy about it.

School’s Out but Learning is Still In

I have been writing articles for parenting and family magazines throughout the U.S.  This article appeared in Northeast Pennsylvania Family in their June 2012 issue.  Here's the link:

http://www.nepafamily.com/articles/school%E2%80%99s-out-but-learning-is-still-in/page-3.html

School’s out for the summer and the cheers of children can be heard far and wide. Summer is a time to relax and enjoy the endless days of sunshine and play. It is also a time to reinforce all the skills learned during the previous school year.

According to the National Summer Learning Association, all young people experience losses in learning when they do not participate in stimulating educational activities during the summer. Research spanning 100 years shows that students typically score lower on standardized tests at the end of summer vacation than they do on the same tests at the beginning of the summer.

Maybe parents are somewhat resistant to the idea of summer learning, too, for different reasons. Some parents do not quite know how to reinforce the skills, while others simply do not understand the benefit. “Let kids be kids and enjoy their summer vacation,” some parents might say remembering their own youthful summers full of play. However, according to a study by Dr. Harris Cooper, professor of psychology at the University of Missouri-Columbia, when students return to school after a long summer vacation, they've lost one to three months worth of learning.

“Academic regression is real,” says Dr. Richard Tomko, Superintendent of Schools in a K-12 public school district in NJ and partner of Tomko, Tomko and Associates, an educational consulting firm. “Parents who do not foster plans to extend their children's learning into the summer are usually parents of children who struggle at the beginning of the school year.”

Summer is a time for fun and relaxation, and keeping learning in summer can be just that, too. “It is important for every parent to realize that it is the summer, and summer must be fun!” Tomko says. “Children have worked hard all year and now they feel the payoff is the fun-filled days of summer vacation. The learning component must be incorporated in summer fun activities and cannot be hours in length. Quick learning interventions will help reiterate topics and stall regression.”

Start thinking creatively and allow your child to learn naturally in real-life settings. When you think about the various topics your child learns about in school, you will be pleasantly surprised at how easy and fun it can be to incorporate “lessons” into everyday summer life.

Ready, Set, Read!

Get the whole family involved and start a Family Book Club. Depending on the age of the children, assign 10, 20, or 30 minutes per day (or most days of the week) to read together as a family. “Parents must emulate the learning activities with their children,” Tomko says. “Independent reading is the best source for children to maintain a level of literacy. Parents should make sure that they are also familiar with their child’s book so they can discuss themes, characters, likes and dislikes about the book with their child.”

Elementary school teacher Juliann Meletta agrees that reading is the best way to reinforce skills during the summer. “My number one priority for students in the summer is to read, read, read. There is no other product or procedure that packs more for its punch than getting kids to read independently.” As for her own two children, Meletta says, “I do everything I can to get books in the hands of my kids. We visit the local library and devour as many books as we can before taking a pile home.” In addition, many libraries offer summer reading programs with various incentives for completed reading.

The Write Stuff

There are many creative ways to keep children writing throughout the summer without asking them to write a book report or an essay about the Civil War. Kids can write emails to grandparents about their summer plans and activities. Parents can work with their children on a summer scrapbook and have the child write the captions for the pictures. Even something as simple as having a child write the grocery list will help engage children, especially younger ones, in forming letters and sounding out words.

Math Matters

Flash cards might be fun, but don’t forget about everyday activities to engage children in math. Preparing a recipe helps children use measurement. “Asking a child to make his favorite recipe will strengthen his ability to process, create, and complete an important project,” Tomko adds. Encourage your child to do a few chores if he hasn’t started already and to save money for something special. This will help teach math skills as well as necessary life skills in budgeting and financial responsibility.  

Technology Tie-In

Kids love all things techy – computers, iPods, and smart phones are all great ways to keep children interested in learning throughout the summer. There are many websites like mathblaster.com and abcya.com as well as apps available to facilitate learning in all academic areas and for various ages. Kids can practice the alphabet and sounds, review multiplication facts through games, and watch videos about their favorite jungle animals. Simply search academic games according to age or grade level on the internet and get started.

Magical Materials

The most basic skills can be reviewed in creative ways when different kinds of materials are used like sidewalk chalk, fingerpaints and window markers. On a sunny day, sit on the driveway with sidewalk chalk and write a story. “My 4 year-old draws a different picture on each sidewalk block, and then I tell the story based on what I see,” Meletta says. “The best part is that he often disagrees with my story, and he'll say, ‘Mommy, that's not what I mean!’ and then he's using his own vocabulary to narrate his story. For my 7 year-old son, I do the same, but sometimes I change it up with a spelling test, math problems or true and false quizzes. They love these!”

When summer days are gray, camp out by a window and use window markers to write rainy day stories, solve word problems, or play a game of Hangman using rainy day words like “thunder,” “lightening,” and “raincoat.” Even a simple review of addition facts becomes much more fun when kids are writing on the windows!

We all know that a plain cardboard box can lead to hours of creativity. Add construction paper, markers and paints and children have all the necessities to create sets for plays and puppet shows. “Creating summer plays helps younger children enhance diction and interact with dialogue,” Tomko says. “This type of activity can incorporate friends, costumes (as an art component), music, and other learning tools to help maintain and even advance literary skills. One can even use historical characters and stories with this as well.”

Newsworthy

The newspaper is a powerful resource for cross-curricular, everyday learning. Where else can you find reading, math, science, history, geography and the arts all in one place?

Children can report on the weather in their town as well as in a city in another state or country, depending on the newspaper. Sports fanatics can look up their favorite baseball team’s most recent batting statistics and keep a record for the summer. The newspaper includes tables and graphs as well as information about cultures not only in their region but around the world.  

With some creativity and a little planning, summer can be fun and relaxing while keeping children’s minds active and enjoying lessons learned in everyday summer settings. With mom or dad as the teacher, summer days can go from hazy and lazy to getting kids yearning for learning!