The Not-So-Simple Life

I’ve decided that I’m going to single-handedly make prairie living the new wave in real estate. I’m bringing Prairie back, much in the same way that Justin Timberlake brought Sexy Back, only way hipper (making the prairie hipper, that is, not Justin Timberlake. He's pretty hip, don't think we can up his hip factor). My book club meeting the other night sealed the deal for me after I had a minor panic attack and started searching for illegal Xanax online.

The discuss-the-book-part of the book club meeting ended and we started to chat about school, summer camp, after-school activities, kindergarten teachers, and topics that I don’t have to deal with for another 2 years but nonetheless my personality is one of “Why worry about that when the time comes when I can worry now and for the next 2 years?” The moms with older, school-aged children are honestly a wealth of information and they know what lies ahead. And it scares the bejesus out of me.

Here is what I heard as my head spun and my heart palpitated:

Mom 1: “And then I took Bobby to karate after I ran Sammy over to soccer. I picked up Liza from ballet and we ate pizza in the car while Bobby, or was that Sammy, finished soccer.”

Mom 2: “Liza goes to kindergarten next year, right? Make sure she does not get Miss Newbie because she has all the experience of a just birthed veal cow. March in that school and demand to get Mrs. Tenured because she’s 90 years-old and can whip those 5 year-olds into shape with just a glare from her one good eye.”

Mom 3: “But Mrs. Newbie is all about the standardized tests, and she really knows how to teach the material for the Kindergarten Calculus test that our district needs. We just HAVE TO score well on those tests.”

Mom 4 (that’s me): Whomp. Thud.

Mom 1: “I think she just passed out.”

I’m ready to stitch me up a floor-length dress, pull my hair into a bun, and don my bonnet. Break out the covered wagon. There may not be a Target on the prairie, but, (gasp) I think I’ll live. A mere sacrifice for sanity. Laura Ingalls was way ahead of her time.