Memo From Mom - It's Just Ludacris!

To: Enrique Iglesias
Re: Get a Little Ludacris
Date: November 17, 2010

This memo is in reference to your newest song, “Tonight.” Seriously, Enrique, you make me want to move my rumpshaker. And yes, that is a throwback to some early 90s music, because that’s exactly what I think of when I hear, “Tonight.” With that cool, record-spinning, retro 90s techno sound you got going on in this song, I am instantly whisked back to when I hit the clubs. In NYC. A long time ago. You were probably like 8 or something.

I do have a few concerns, however. First, while listening to this song in the car, I might get into an accident. I just have to DANCE. My car thrusts back and forth because my foot is on the gas, off the gas, while I attempt to do the Roger Rabbit and Running Man while safely buckled in my completely uncool Mom car. (Side note: I totally KILLED those dances back in the day.)

My larger concern, however, is not about my personal safety. It is about your lyrics. And I don’t mean this in a, “I am so offended!” way. I feel like you were reaching a little in this song. When I hear, “Tonight,” it is my time to listen to MY music (read: opposite of a song that Monkey Man barks out orders for from the back seat). I do not want to be reminded of Green Eggs and Ham. I will not eat them, Sam I am. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m fully aware that you are not a poetic genius (my apologies if YOU didn’t know that) but this whole refrain is not only too Cat in the Hat, but also quite reminiscent of Adam Sandler’s Cajun Man from SNL (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_Qx0UYls5c):
Here’s the situation
Been to every nation
Nobody’s ever made me feel the way that you do
You know my motivation
Given my reputation
Please excuse I don’t mean to be rude
Cause tonight I’m lovin’ you…

You do, however, get props for using big words. Your collaborator on the song, Ludacris, now, he is a genius. Again, not poetically, but that boy can throw down some wordplay. He might not use big boy words like you, but he makes the listener think. He’s not interested in Dr. Seuss rhymes. He keeps it real. I want to totally give him a fist pound for this beauty:
Winter and summertime
When I get you on the springs
Imma make you fall

What great usage of all four seasons to tell a woman you want to totally knock boots (thank you again 90s for more awesome references).

Enrique, I encourage you to continue your music. But have a little sit down with Ludacris. He may not spew forth words of Shakespeare or Dickinson, but he sure makes me yell, “Yes, now that was one hell of a metaphor!” Even if he doesn’t know it’s a metaphor. Hmm, maybe Ludacris IS a genius…