Sunday Funnies

Hell, if I had a housekeeping robot I'd turn a blind eye to the laser blaster. Sorry, George and Judy, but whatever gets you through the day.

Sunday Funnies

Remember - Hubby's book comes out November 2! Want to help us sell millions of books? Yes, you do! Go to your local bookstore and let them know you'd like to buy The Deranged Stalker's Journal of Pop Culture Shock Therapy. If they tell you you can order it online, let them know you'd really like to buy it at the store (this helps make sure that they stock it in the store!) and not have it shipped. Now, don't get me wrong - any sale is a good sale, but we'd like to see lots of books in the stores, giant displays, and tons of customers!

Sunday Funnies

It has been a very long time since I've done the Sunday Funnies, i.e. shamelessly promoted my husband's comic. But, the time has come again, and not only because his comics are seriously very funny, but also because he has a book coming out on November 2 published by Andrews McMeel (publisher of Calvin & Hobbes, Dilbert, Doonesbury, The Far Side - READ: It's a BIG DEAL!)

So, in addition to reading his comic here, I ask that you RUN to your nearest bookstore on November 2 and buy The Deranged Stalker's Journal of Pop Culture Shock Therapy. Or pre-order on Amazon.com, Borders.com, Barnesandnoble.com... you get my point. Monkey Man would LOVE to continue eating three square meals a day. No pressure.

What Ever Gave You That Idea?

While spinning Monkey Man in the office on my big rolling chair tonight, he glanced up above my desk. There hangs three awesomely autographed Rick Springfield album and CD covers.

Cover #1: My very own copy of Working Class Dog that I got when I was about 7 that was signed after a sweaty hug from Rick during one of his forays into the audience a few years ago.

Cover #2: My very own copy of Success Hasn’t Spoiled Me Yet that I got when I was about 8. That one was signed after another breathtakingly sweaty hug from Rick during yet another journey into the audience and fabulous job of landing right smack in front of ME.

Cover #3: The Venus in Overdrive CD that I had signed at Virgin Records in New York City. That was the first official time I “met” him – read: walked up to a table, almost ready to pass out because HOLY FREAKING CRAP. Rick Springfield is smiling at me and waiting for me to say something unbelievably witty. Or smart. Or cute. Or sexy. Nervous vomit is not one of those.

After looking at the 3 covers with pictures of Rick, he turned to me and said, with his sly, sarcastic smile that he uses a little too much, “Do you want to break up with Daddy and get Rick Springfield to marry you?”

Oh, sweet, naïve Monkey Man. If only it were that easy.

Keeping the Tooth Fairy Off Welfare

In the past week, the Tooth Fairy has visited Monkey Man 3 times. 1 bottom tooth and his 2 front teeth. So I'm feeling a little sad because 1.) My little boy has become an old man in just 7 days and 2.) I'm broke due to this mass loss of teeth. The Tooth Fairy needs to get herself a job helping Santa in his off season. Here are some pics to enjoy, if you enjoy dangling teeth and huge gummy gaps.


Look away if you, like me, cannot stomach teeth that are hanging on by a thread of gum. He asked me to twist it back straight, and I almost threw up.


It fell out! It's official - 2 big, goofy big boy teeth will be ready for Kindergarten pictures! Oh joy!


Homemade yarn wig. Don't ask.


Rockin' Out in the Yarn Wig. Look at that toothless smile!


Just a coincidence that we were at an amusement park two days ago and there was a huge mural of a Jack O'Lantern. Kindred Spirits.

Bad Boys, Bad Boys...

While flipping through the channels last night, hubby passed over COPS, otherwise known as Educational Viewing for Children Who Don't Want to Grow Up to Be THAT Guy. Monkey Man asked hubby to stop on that channel. I guess he caught a glimpse of a classy white stained tank top (I will not use the other very un-politically correct, or is that very politically incorrect? term) and thought, "Just who are these people with that fantastic fashion sense? I need to see this for myself!"

Hubby told me that he thought for a moment, realizing that COPS is not appropriate viewing material for a 5 year-old. Unless, of course, we want to scare him straight. Like, "Look what happens when you talk back to mommy? You getcho ass cuffed and taken by the po-po!" He put it on quickly to see if it was okay (read: they weren't showing a crack pipe or some guy missing all his teeth in yet ANOTHER classy white stained tank top peeing all over his front lawn) and it was a woman getting a DUI. Oh, just a simple, violence-free offense. Okay, we'll watch for a minute, was hubby's thought, I guess.

Monkey Man: "What happened to that lady? Why is she getting arrested?"

Hubby: "She was drinking alcohol and driving. It is against the law to drink and drive."

Monkey Man: "What is alcohol?"
Hubby explained for like 10 seconds until Monkey Man lost interest and started talking about how cool Spencer from iCarly's hair is. Monkey Man listens to important conversations for his usual 10 seconds then it's on to much more worldly topics. Like, "Can a shark eat me if I'm on the beach? Is my hair longer than Spencer's? Is the tooth fairy always really small?"

Then I called up Monkey Man to brush his teeth, having no prior knowledge of the educational programming in which his father and he were engaged.

Monkey Man: "I just saw a lady get arrested on t.v."
Me: "Uh oh, that's not good."
Monkey Man: "She was drinking and driving."
Me: "Oohh, you're not supposed to do that."
Monkey Man: "Yeah, but YOU do that!"

I started hysterically laughing because he was so adament that I drink and drive. And, yes, in the most literal form of drinking and driving, I do. Because almost everywhere I go, I carry my big blue water bottle. Filled with WATER. That he always drinks from. Now, had Monkey Man listened to his father, he would have known that drinking and driving does not mean any drink.

So guess what his Kindergarten teacher is going to learn about me next week? I'll have to have her over for a drink to explain myself.

Always a Situation for Colgate Wisps

Holy Deal of the Century! I just found (well, my mom found them, because bargains scream her name whereas I pay full price for everything, having no flair for coupon clipping or sales circulars) a 32 pack - yes, you read that correct - a 32 PACK - of the Ridulously Awesome Colgate Wisp Disposable Toothbrushes for $4.99 at Five Below! I'm telling you, people, these things are as handy to have on you as a condom is for J-Wow and The Situation on the Jersey Shore. They are THAT GOOD.
Please Note: I am in no way claiming that Colgate Wisp Disposable Toothbrushes help prevent pregnancy or STDs.