Sprinkle Lovers UNITE!

I eat ice cream with sprinkles (for those of you from other parts of the country, like South Jersey, that's jimmies to you. But make no mistake, they are called sprinkles). Ice cream is worthless without sprinkles. And let me tell you, I have credentials in the field of ice cream. Let me share my resume.

My parents owned an ice cream store when I was in middle school. Which means, when I was 11 and 12, I had unlimited access to ice cream and sprinkles. Thank God those were the days when children actually got off their butts and rode their bikes around the neighborhood, played in the street until dark when the streetlights went on, and orchestrated block-wide hide and seek games. Because had I been sitting in a dark room with my DS while listening to my iPod and texting my friend, I would have been considerably larger as a child.

Fast forward to turning 16. I started working at my brother-in-law's ice cream store - he owned a Baskin Robbins at a local mall. I worked there for 4 years. I can't tell you how many times I've said, "Cup or cone?" (and how many times a brilliant customer answered "Yes.") Again, thanks to dancing and cheerleading, my activity countered the large chunks of Reese's Peanut Butter cup I routinely spooned out of said flavor during every shift. That and Cookie Dough chunks.

But let's get back to the point of sprinkles. In my years working in the ice cream profession, I was a sprinkle lover's dream scooper. You asked for sprinkles? By God, you will get your $.25 extra worth (it was 1992, they were a lot less back then). It's your lucky day because I was taught THE RIGHT WAY in which to apply sprinkles. Let me explain.

The MOST important rule to sprinkle application is to ROLL the ice cream in the sprinkle container. The container should always be long enough to fit a cone with scoops on top. Make sure the scoops are pressed down into the cone, then ROLL the ice cream. This way, the ENTIRE surface area of the ice cream is covered. I cannot stress the rolling enough. If someone wants sprinkles, they want sprinkles all over their ice cream. Not 5 pieces strewn wildly about.

This same practice applies to a cup. Take the cup and roll the ice cream in the sprinkles. Bonus with the cup - some extra sprinkles always fall into the cup!

Having a vast knowledge of ice cream and sprinkles, as well as a deep love for the dairy delicacy and it's sugary decor, I am enraged when I order ice cream with sprinkles and my sprinkle request is taken almost as a joke. And in some places, it's a $1.00 extra joke!

Take last night. We went to Ghirardelli's in Downtown Disney. I ordered a cone with sprinkles and Monkey Man ordered a cup with sprinkles. Guess what we got? Someone obviously did not go to the College of Proper Ice Cream Service which I attended. Monkey Man had about 7 sad rainbow sprinkles laying on his mint chocolate chip scoop in a cup. A CUP! That child should have been loaded up! With all kinds of extra sprinkly goodness at the bottom ready to spoon with the soupy drippings at the end! And me? My chocolate cone had about 8 chocolate sprinkles gazing their lonely eyes at me wishing about 1,346 more of their friends had joined them.

This was no time to sit and accept my inferior sprinkle application. I asked for a cup with extra sprinkles. And the waitress got me a "cup" the size of a paper ketchup container at McDonald's. Which fit about 5 more sprinkles.

Too many people obviously take the name literally. Sprinkles are not for sprinkling. They are for coating. Thick and often. I am currently in the process of drafting a petition in order to get all the ice cream shops (at least in America) to adhere to the same practices and standards of sprinkle application. This disservice to our country, to our world, must stop.