Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Wanted: Cheap Babysitter

I can usually be found entertaining Monkey Man in the following ways on any given day: shooting Little Tikes hoops, watercolor painting on giant paper, taking a trip to Target or the mall, attending a story time or playgroup outing, and playing trains. Throw in a little T.V. (I do need to get things accomplished) and some meals and that pretty much sums up a day in the life of us. Hey, you, wake up! I know this is fascinating stuff.

I believe that a little bit of parent-controlled, age-appropriate television is totally acceptable for children. (Even some reruns of Sex and the City are pretty educational, but Monkey Man doesn’t stay up that late). But today was a rainy, icy, floody, generally yucky day and it did not warrant us braving the elements outside. I wasn’t feeling too productive inside, either, so I decided to throw my T.V. rules out the drafty window and let Monkey Man have at the magical, glowing box. After all, he is almost 3 years-old and fully capable of sitting on the couch by himself and devouring a delicious day of non-stop television.

I will now list, in no particular order, the shows Monkey Man watched today accompanied by my reviews:

· My Friends Tigger & Pooh – This is CSI for preschoolers. Pooh and Tigger are sleuths with the help of some girl. The real mystery - Who killed off Christopher Robin?

· The Upside Down Show – I don’t even know what this show is about because it’s on at 7 a.m. and that for me is an ungodly hour. I can barely pay attention throughout the day, forget at this time. However, I have seen that they are two grown men with cool Austrailian accents and the show elicits cackling laughter from Monkey Man so I give it 2 thumbs up.

· Dora the Explorer – This show guarantees that my tot will totally ACE the Standardized Preschool Entrance Exam in the subject of Spanish. Whew – load off my mind.

· Ni Hao, Kai-lan - A Dora rip off, but in Chinese. This show guarantees that my tot will totally ACE the Standardized Preschool Entrance Exam in the subject of Chinese. (Now HE can order my General Tso’s Chicken.)

· Wow Wow Wubbzy – I have no idea what this show is about since I have yet to sit through 20 seconds of it but the website says “Each half-hour episode promotes positive values like honesty, tolerance, fairness, and cooperation.” So sounds like fine T.V. for the unattended preschooler. And the little person who lives in our house gets freakishly excited when it comes on.

· Yo Gabba Gabba – Simply stated, the creators were smoking crack and watching Teletubbies when they came up with this brilliant one.

· Beverly Hills, 90210 – Oops, that was on my roster for today. This show rocks and Monkey Man is fascinated by the love triangle between Brenda, Kelly, and Dylan.

· Wonderpets – Some might argue this, but these animals are just so darn CUTE. And they are quite the animal rights activists helping animals in trouble and all.

· Sesame Street – God Bless this show. I do not need to teach my child one thing because Maria, Big Bird, Grover, Elmo and the rest of the gang do ALL the work for me. Can I get an “Amen”?

· The Wiggles - this wasn’t on today but deserves a mention in that it will NEVER be on in my house. It is blocked on my T.V. with the V-Chip – if I’m not exposing Monkey Man to violence and sex, I’m certainly not exposing him to this show. I don’t know what it is about it, but it makes me want to gauge out my eyeballs with forks while hanging from the rafters by my toenails. Because that would be more pleasant.

This concludes our marathon day of T.V. made for the little ones. Oh, there are plenty more quality viewings that I could leave for another day – one that comes to mind is The Doodlebops. You know what, I’m going to save some time. Just read my Wiggles review. Then stick a vat of boiling tar under my suspended body. And release.


Anonymous said...

My love of Tigger and Pooh is pretty well documented...on my ankle!

I have to admit I've never really been a fan of Sesame Street, even when I was his age. I was more of an Electric Company kind of guy. And, god help me, I have been known to enjoy the Wiggles! When I was dating, YOU KNOW, and we had to watch the Wiggles with her daughter I bopped right along....and I think I learned something too. We can all learn from the Wiggles!

Leighann said...

I'm with ya sister, The Doodlebops and Yo Gabba Gabba make me want to commit heinous crimes!

I'm also fairly sure the tall orange nubby "thing" on YGG was a prop in a porno I once saw!

Anthony F said...

Maybe that girl IS Cristopher Robin. It's a whole new show for a whole new generation. "Everyone, this is Robin Christopher, my tranny best friend."

youarekiddingme said...

Anthony f - I will now look at Darby in a whole new way. Thank you for opening my eyes.

youarekiddingme said...

Birdman - You LIKE The Wiggles and you DISLIKE Sesame Street? You are not human.

hayumbone said...

Christopher Robin is, in fact, now a girl. Isn't this a horrifying travesty?

Please tell me you are kidding about preschool entrance exams. I just read somewhere that Harvard is less selective than many preschools in the NYC/NJ area. (WTF!?) If that's true, the idea of testing at the ages of 3-4 seems believable to me, but as I'm not a parent, I'm wholly out of the loop on this.

youarekiddingme said...

Hayumbone - I was totally kidding about the preschool entrance exams (to the best of my knowledge, anyway), but commenting in my way on the ridiculous No Child Left Behind "teach to the test" state of our country's schools. Been there, taught that, and didn't like it one bit.