Innocent and sincere Monkey Man thought his Mommy and Daddy were up until the wee hours last night painting our family room ceiling. When he woke up this morning and began his journey to assume his usual morning position on the family room couch, he looked up at the ceiling and saw a lovely, earthy tone of crap brown.
“Daddy, did you paint the ceiling last night?”
“Why, no, Monkey Man. That is just the innards of our toilet seeping through our ceiling.”
And so begins a home improvement project that we never planned on. Let me apologize now, because if I know you and you are having some kind of birthday party or other function in the next few months that requires a gift, sorry, but that gift is literally in the shitter.
I love home improvement – I like the end result when my house looks neat and pretty and clean. But there is no joy in the end product of a new toilet and new sheet rock on a ceiling. A new floor in that same family room was going to give me such joy and less anxiety about the amount of dog hair being trapped in the only remaining carpet in this house. Maybe you remember that carpet from an earlier post – the one that our dog Walt decided to release his bowels on a few months ago. Yeah, just when I was ready to call Lowe’s and order the new hardwood floor, the economy decided to come knocking on our door and slap us across the face. So in addition to having a disgusting floor, we have a ceiling to match.
And so I will end this post in my not so usual way – looking at the bright side. At least I have a ceiling over my head and a carpet on which to lay my head to rest. Oh, that’s a bunch of BS. Damn you, overflowing toilet and potentially mold-ridden ceiling. I WANT A NEW FLOOR!