Saturday, May 29, 2010

Vince Neil, Our New Hero

And the winner of Monkey Man's favorite new song goes to...
"Kickstart My Heart" by Motley Crue!

I swear I'm a good Mom. But the kid will not get off this Metal Band CD obsession. This song really gets him going, too, like put the top down on the car and gun it down some highway. Kind of like how I was driving on our way to Monkey Man's field trip the other day (minus the speeding, but definitely belting it out like my spandex pants were squeezing me a little too tightly). We listened to this song about 12 times, and while rocking out with Monkey Man, I passed my exit.

Do we push Monkey Man to listen to this music? No. If you read my blog, you know I love Rick Springfield, Contemporary Christian music, Chicago, and 90s dance but he wants none of that. Every time he gets in the "good" car (i.e. the one with the CD player) he behaves as if he's ordering from a drive-thru, only this drive-thru allows its customers to enjoy a bevy of hard rock cuisine. "I'd like to start with Number 2 (Kickstart My Heart). Add a side of Number 17 (Seventeen) and Number 14 (Livin' On a Prayer) to make it a Super Meal." And then he always goes back to the old standbys, the band that started his rocker obsession - Def Leppard. "And for dessert I'll have the Number 1 (Animal) and Number 10 (Let's Get Rocked)!"

I feel like I need to redeem myself in some way, prove to my readers that I am not some lunatic mom who lets her kid listen to all kinds of garbage. Here's my proof: when Vince croons, "I'd say we've kicked some ass," and the other lyrical gem, "I'd say we're still kicking ass," I lower the volume all the way down. Oh, that, and I have NEVER let him listen to Barney songs. That childish nonsense can seriously screw up a kid's brain.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

The Hulk, Vocabulary, and Superman

While driving to my parents' house today, Monkey Man chattered on about the childhood obesity epidemic in America, Governor Christie's destruction of the education of every child in New Jersey, and the great debate: Just WHO is stronger - Superman or The Hulk?

Monkey Man: "Mommy, who do you think is stronger, Superman or The Hulk? The Hulk has GINORMOUS muscles."

Me: "Yeah, he does have ginormous muscles. (And here comes my "He's going to kindergarten next year. I have to teach him about that word ginormous" moment). Hey, Monkey Man, I know we use the word ginormous, but I want to let you know it's not a real word. It's a silly word for huge. It's gigantic and enormous put together. It's from the movie Elf. Remember that movie? Elf liked to use the word ginormous. (And then I keep going on my SAT vocabulary prep tangent...) You know what's another word for gigantic and enormous? Gargantuan!

Monkey Man: "GARGANTUAN! Whoa! Like The Hulk's muscles are gargantuan! But, who do you think is stronger?"

Me: in all my obvious, did not grow up on Superheroes (or sports, or bugs, or any other "boy" thing - I'm at a serious disadvantage sometimes with this kid!) "The Hulk, of course! Just look at him!"

Monkey Man: "But The Hulk can't pick up the Earth. Superman can."

Me: actually thinking about this concept and agreeing, "Yeah, you're right. Superman can fly around the Earth and pick it up. The Hulk can't do that. So I guess Superman is stronger than the Hulk."

Monkey Man: "But The Hulk does have ginormous muscles. Even bigger than Superman's. So that might make him stronger because of his muscles."

Me: "And I have a gargantuan headache from debating with a 5 year-old who has a ginormous love of driving his mother nutty with arguments that go around in circles."

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Dinner Conversation Gone Bananas!

While sitting at dinner tonight with Monkey Man and his friend, conversation turned to the bananas sitting in the fruit bowl in the middle of the table.

Monkey Man's Friend: "I can't eat bananas."

Me: "Why? Are you allergic?" I asked, even though I was pretty sure he didn't have any food allergies.

Friend: "I have a pooping issue."

This was said so matter-of-factly, so just regular conversation, that the 3 of us continued to sit, straight-faced as if Monkey Man's friend was commenting on the unusually chilly May weather. I wasn't sure if I was sitting with two 5 year-olds, or at the 4 p.m. dinner seating at a nursing home, what with all the talk of intestinal matters and whatnot.

Monkey Man's friend continued:

Friend: "I take medicine. It gets hard, well, sometimes it's not too hard, but it's really big."

How I stifled the laughter that was causing the cacophony in my brain and did not choke on my whole wheat spiral pasta is beyond comprehension. I didn't need to ask any questions, just interjected the polite "Oh" because Monkey Man's friend was very willing to offer information on the inner workings of his bowels.

Friend: "One time it took me 2 hours to poop."

This is why 5 year-olds are so awesome. Wondering what's going on in their minds? Wonder no more, for they will tell you, in all their descriptive language, what's pumping through that brain of theirs.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

It is a Happy Mother's Day

I am writing this post in a great coffee/dessert shop in the next town. The cupcakes are TO DIE FOR. The chocolate peanut butter silk pie is a PMSing woman's dream. This little getaway is a part of my mother's day gift - a few hours of uninterrupted time to write. I chose to leave the house because if I stayed home and sent the boys away, I would have rearranged the furniture, pulled weeds, felt bad for not playing with the dog while he sits and stares me down, and a myriad of other distractions that would have pulled me away from one of the gifts I wanted today - to write.

So I sit here, with my cup of tea and chocolate chip scone crumbs, and I am happy. I am happy that I slept in today and woke up to Monkey Man asking me to take him to Target to buy him a Wizards of Waverly Place magic wand: "It's Alex's, so it's for a girl, but I don't care. I want to do magic spells and turn you into a frog or a cow." Direct quote.

I am happy that I ate a delicious, homecooked breakfast of cheesy scrambled eggs adorned with orange slices served with a cup of black tea in bed. And I ate this before I went to my Sunday morning worship service - kickboxing. Exercise centers me, clears my head, and always makes me feel good. Of course, on the way to and from, I listened to my Christian rock music.

I am happy because a little later today, we are going to my parent's house for dinner. As our lives get busier and Monkey Man gets more involved in school and activities and my sister's kids grow up more and more and have work, and college, and sports and band, I really enjoy having dinner at my parent's. My parent's house has been a gathering place all my life, and it is my home just as much as the place I sleep in each night, the one with the mortgage and horrifying taxes.

I am happy because even though it's Mother's Day, I appreciate my husband, the father of my child. Everyday, he understands my need for quiet time, my need for time with friends, my need to snuggle on the couch and watch "our shows" (The Office, Modern Family, Glee), my need to spend time with him and Monkey Man just the three of us. He doesn't quite understand my need (obsession, compulsion) for neatness, but that's 12+ years in the works and he's getting better.

He is the reason I am a mom (okay, people, Biology 101). I couldn't think of a better baby daddy for this mommy to have. Oh, yeah, and that wizard wand that Monkey Man wanted me to buy him today? Daddy took him to Target while I was in my happy place at the gym and provided our little man with the tool to turn his mother into a cow. Great. Thanks.

And Monkey Man, I couldn't think of a better reason to be a mommy. You make me smile, laugh, sing, dance, and drop in bed with exhaustion every day. And I thank you for that.

Happy Mother's Day Eve

Each night, Monkey Man asks either hubby or me to lay with him for a few minutes in bed. Hubby is much more patient with this than I am, probably because I start thinking of the 9 bajillion things I need/want to do while my Energizer Bunny is recharging his battery: iron the next day's clothes, laundry, make lunches, pack backpack, clean this or that, do a little work for hubby's comic, watch a favorite dvr'd show (Glee, Modern Family, The Office)...the list goes on. And many times, I fall asleep, so I wake up 20 minutes or more later, cranky that I lost time and feeling out of it and ready to really go to bed.

Last night, both hubby and I laid with Monkey Man. I guess it was the quiet and relaxation of a Saturday night at home that kept me feeling calm. Monkey Man kept looking from me to hubby and smiling, simply overjoyed that both mommy and daddy were a part of this nightly ritual.

Walt, our great protector, likes to start the nights off in Monkey Man's room. Fortunately, he is very territorial and likes to make sure anyone that comes witin 100 yards of our house knows he's there. Unfortunately, he barks at every little noise and this usually jolts Monkey Man and causes him to cover his ears (big dog, very big bark).

While we all laid in bed, Walt must've heard a fly buzz because he let out one of his booming barks. But this time, Monkey Man just looked at me and said, "I'm not scared because we're a family."

It was so sweet, but seriously, laying it on a little thick with the guilt Monkey Man, for all those times Mommy's rushing out to check Facebook. Um, I mean, to make lunch.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Ask and Ye Shall Receive!

Two days after I wrote the helpful letter to the Entenmann's CEO requesting a Holiday Pop'em to fill the gap between Easter and the 4th of July, I passed by the Entenmann's display at the local grocery store.

Something caught my eye. Well, not so much caught my eye, because I do stare down the display whenever I pass it in the hopes that maybe an expired box from the holiday before is sitting there. It was the sprinkles that captured me. I thought, "Wait, it's May 1. How can this be?" My mind raced through the calendar. No, no, there is definitly not a holiday coming up. The box read, "Rainbow" and, indeed, rainbow sprinkles adorned these Spring Pop'ems. The box was decorated in a sports theme, but really, who cares about the box. There were sprinkled Pop'ems inside.

The ONLY REASON I did not buy that box of sin is because I was fresh out of my kickboxing class, feeling very good about my workout and not wanting to replace the calories I'd burned plus add an extra 500 calories. And I haven't been back to that grocery store, although I need to get a photo of that precious box. I'm very afraid that this newbie to the Entenmann's line will tackle me near the frozen foods and gag me with their frosted, chocolately deliciousness.