Friday, April 18, 2008

Mommyhood - It's in the Bag

How did I become this person who lugs all of this stuff around? I'm not a stuff person. I'm a just the basics person. Before Monkey Man, I had cute purses, purses that matched outfits (and shoes! How I love shoes! Back in the day, I would buy the shoes first, and then find the outfit. But now I have a mortgage). Back to the topic.

Before mommyhood, I owned purses that couldn’t fit more than keys, a small wallet, and a lipstick. Now I TOTE things. I am a toter. And since I tote things, I find myself ditching matching bags to my outfits and carrying a plaid tote bag everywhere (I “splurged” – it’s J. Crew – I figured if I’m going big, I’m at least going cute). Even when, like today, horrifyingly enough I was wearing plaid Bermuda shorts! In a different print! The horror! Who am I kidding, I don’t care. My brain has other things to think about like how the hell am I gonna pay for gas this week (the “cheap” station just went up to $3.27!) So, here’s a look into the contents of my life carry-on:

  • A deposit slip and checks for the bank that have been there for 3 days because I keep forgetting to go to the bank
  • A wallet with $4 in it – I really need to get to the bank
  • Measurements to windows I will probably never cover because I am window-treatment challenged
  • Coupons to Bed, Bath & Beyond that I’ll never use because do I really need THAT MUCH STUFF to keep up with the 3 they send me per week? If I could only find curtains at this store I could get rid of 2 items from my bag in one shot! In my clearing out the clutter and checking things off the list world, that feat would be nearly orgasmic.
  • The torso of a Superman action figure
  • A sticky straw from a juice box
  • A Pull Up diaper - clean, thank God
  • A goldfish cracker
  • A container of baby wipes without the wipes
  • A package of Wet Ones with one dry Wet One – very useful
  • 2 small bottles of Purell (found to be very effective given that I got the flu and have had about 4 colds since October)
  • Cinnamon Trident
  • A Go Diego Go DVD because you just never know when you're going to need it
  • Clear and TINTED lip balm (oooo, sometimes mommy is adventurous!)
  • A cell phone that is rarely charged and even when it is, it’s never answered (it does, however, give me laughs when I finally check voicemail and I have 7 from the month before. If you know me, you know not to leave a voicemail otherwise you will wind up calling Missing Persons on my behalf because that voicemail will not get returned).
(Please note strategically placed hair clip on outside of bag so I can fashionably throw up my hair in a jiffy in that, "I just threw up my hair in a jiffy" sort of way.)


captain corky said...

It's impossible to only have the torso of Superman. He's almost indestructible. I'm sure your husband has covered this with you. ;)

youarekiddingme said...

Tell Target that. We've gone through 2! Now we can mix and match torsos and legs.

Leighann said...

You're the second person to post about their sofa sized bags of tricks!

My purse is approximately the size of my hand and I have FOUR kids!

Neener Neener!

Burfica said...

Thanks for visiting my blog. I bookmarked you, hope you don't mind.

I used to tote the ginourmous bag around then it was a ginourmous purse. Now I got smart. I have a pouch, it holds my liscense, credit card, debit card, insurance cards, jack in the box discount card and a few bucks, it goes in my pocket. When I need bigger space I have the boy put it in his backpack or the hubby in his massive pockets that are all up and down his legs. hehehehe I'm mean that way.

youarekiddingme said...

I do love the summer when hubby wears cargo shorts. Then I stick him with the license, lipstick, and wipes!

TheBirdman33 said...

Why am I NOT surprised that your bag is J. Crew?!?

If it makes you feel any better, almost everything on your list is currently also in the backseat of my Pathfinder. No, I will not tell you why I have pull ups OR wipes back there. Thank you for asking.

youarekiddingme said...

Birdman - It's about the one thing in J.Crew that was of a somewhat reasonable price. I love that store, but their prices are ridiculous.