Tuesday, August 26, 2008


This is why I haven't written a post in a while. Facebook IMing. Following are 2 conversations with the same friend. A therapist could probably spend weeks analyzing this.

August 22, 2008

10:05pm Me - My brother-in-law owned the ice cream store in the mall so I started working there in high school and ended my ice cream scooping career when he sold it in college.
10:06pm Friend - Too bad. I could use some ice cream. Although, I have consumed 12,000 calories since 7 p.m.
10:07pm Me - I loved when we had Reese's Peanut Butter Cup up in the front freezer. I'd stand in the corner up there and use the sample spoons and dig out the peanut butter cups. The customers essentially got vanilla when I worked that shift.
10:07pm Friend - You are an amazing employee. I would hire you if I had a business.
10:07pm Me - Food consumption tonight - 2 slices pizza, 2 brownies, many Ritz Crackers. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US?
10:08pm Friend - Vodka tonic (not alcoholics, despite the evidence) and lots of granola...want to be regular. We really do not usually fall asleep on trains.
10:09pm Me - Well, as you said your friend put it, you like the hooch.
10:09pm Friend - I will drink anyting. Hubby likes the trains.
10:09pm Me – Anyting? hahahahaha you are drunk.
10:10pm Friend - I wish...would make a 4 and 3 year-old much more bearable...try explaining a cup (for penile protection) to a 4 year-old while sober.
10:11pm Friend - Give me rubbing alcohol.
10:11pm Me - I have some Robitussin.
10:12pm Friend - I'll take it...they are driving me nuts. I love them, but geez louise. I can see how one becomes an alcoholic.
10:12pm Me - Yes, there is many a day when I would like to run out to Celebrity and hang with the locals
10:13pm Friend - I am amazed at how the same cars are there daily.
10:15pm Me - Did you ever pass Showplace? Not that I've noticed the cars, but I just thought of that place. And the lovelies that are hanging out there during the day having a smoke.
10:15pm Friend - OMG! The same cars everyday!
10:16pm Me - Funny how they don't quite look like the movie strippers.
10:17pm Friend - So, the big question is, are you supporting the Human Race? No pressure.
10:17pm Me - I forgot to tell you I met the singer from the band who in addition to having a great voice, and is not too bad to look at, also has an English accent. I was a little starstruck.
10:18pm Friend - I love accents.
10:18pm Me - But it doesn't take much for me to be starstruck. You've probably guessed that by my obsession with an almost 60 year old man.
10:20pm Friend - Glad to see you are supporting the Human Race. I will give Train Sleeper your regards.
10:21pm Me - Tell Train Sleeper if I can, I will attempt to kick his butt for ditching you and getting me involved.
10:22pm Friend - Speaking of him...I should join him in the living room. See you at 8? Or should we meet at 8:30 for a short treadmill workout? I am quite certain you could kick his butt at this point. Just put him on a train.
10:23pm Me - Want to do the treadmill at 8:15?
10:23pm Friend - You will so love the shirt, by the way...and the concert...and experience...and the charity that I chose, but cannot remember for the life of me.
10:23pm Me - hahaha must be a great charity. Very memorable.
10:23pm Friend - It is either WWF or Lance Armstrong -Probably Lance. He's cute. Not that pandas aren't.
10:25pm Me - Oh, Is WWF the World Wrestling Federation? Are we supporting Hulk Hogan?
10:25pm Friend – Yes. I believe it was Hulk Hogan.

August 26, 2008

9:44pm Friend - Is it wrong that I enjoy my quiet nights at home?
9:45pm Me - It is SO NOT WRONG. I love quiet nights when hubby isn't here. And he knows it!!
9:46pm Friend - Hubby knows, too.
9:49pm Friend - By the way, you have more friends!
9:49pm Me - I need 2 to break 100 but hubby has 104!
9:50pm Friend - Your hubby is collecting friends isn't he?
9:55pm Friend - I love Big Brother by the way. Hubby would be so hurt that I was watching without him.
9:55pm Me - Is that on? I've never watched it. And my hubby would love me now b/c he left baseball on and I haven't changed it!
9:56pm Friend - It is on. I have watched all 1,000 seasons of it.
9:56pm Me - I'm waiting for The Office at 10 so that I can IM, watch The Office, work on my budget, and attempt a post on my blog. Quite the multi-tasker I am.
9:57pm Friend - You really are. You should never work on the budget without a drink.
9:57pm Me - If I had one, I'd go for it. I think we have some after dinner drink that I don't even know how to properly drink.
9:58pm Friend - I hate the budget. Did you bring in the TiVo yet?
9:58pm Me - The budget consumes me. I am constantly playing with it.
9:58pm Friend - I am avoiding it like the plague.
9:58pm Me - Guess what the answer to your TiVo question it. is. The hubbies can enjoy the TiVo b/c it's still in the back of the Matrix.
9:59pm Friend - Next time I come over, I'll run out to the car and grab it.
9:59pm Me - 5th thing to do now - write go to DVR store and pick it up. Then let sit in house for 5 months.
10:00pm Friend - Yell at Cablevision, then leave item yelled about at office for indefinite amount of time.
10:15pm Friend - I am eating loads of crackers.
10:15pm Me - I ate 2 waffles with syrup.
10:15pm Friend - I want more crackers. We have problems.
10:16pm Me - I just cracked up. What the hell is wrong with us? If I didn't have a child sleeping upstairs, I'd totally go to Shop Rite and get Entenmanns chocolate chip cookies. Can I order take out from there?
10:16pm Friend - I hear they deliver. I am considering some organic cookies.
10:17pm Me - You can take comfort in knowing that they don't have preservatives.
10:18pm Friend - Or white flour.
10:18pm Pam - Which reminds me, I have organic toaster tart things that Monkey Man doesn't even like, so if I get desperate...
10:18pm Friend - You have options.
10:18pm Me - He's been picky with breakfast so I thought he'd like these. No. That's what $4 gets you. "I don't like those."
10:19pm Friend - Too bad for you. NOT. I would eat Lucy if she were coated in sugar.
10:21pm Me - Budget revision #3,225 done. If I sell Amway, turn tricks on Main St. and sell my blonde-haired, blue-eyed child, I can buy gas for another month.
10:21pm Friend - Nice, I am going with the eggs.
10:21pm Me - I just cracked up at your Lucy remark. Sometimes LOL isn't enough.
10:21pm Friend - Oh, and having ninetuplets for pay.
10:22pm Me - Ninetuplets could do a little damage on the Panda body. Not to mention you would definitely be peeing in your pants every hour of every day. No Kegels in the world could save that.
10:22pm Friend - I already do that.
10:23pm Me - Right. sorry about that. Go for it, then!
10:24pm Friend - I might go for ten.
10:24pm Me - How ridiculous am I? Just to prove to myself that I can do this, I turned on The Office and will now attempt my blog. I should just cut and paste this conversation (did you notice that it saves the conversations). I think I might do it for sh*ts and giggles.


Tamara @ Watching the Grass Grow said...

Ohmigosh---Sh*ts and giggles for sure---I am laughing out loud at your post, so much so that my co-teacher thinks I'm nuts (true) and I have completely sat here during my planning period and acted like I had nothing better to do (not true). Why am I laughing? Because it's way close to home--way too close. :-)

youarekiddingme said...

Glad you enjoyed it! It might be become a regular feature here. I'm thinking of adding a Glossary of Terms so that readers can reference some of the otherwise unintelligible phrases!