Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Hey Readers! Mommy Needs Your Help!

Hi everyone on the computer,

This is Monkey Man. My mommy writes stories about me that are going to make me roll my eyes and yell, "MOMMMMMM!" when I'm older, but she just keeps doing it. I guess kind of like when I ask her questions over and over again and I know I'm annoying the poop out of her, but I do it anyway. Because it's funny to see her get so frustrated.

Anyway...Maybe you've been reading this blog since the beginning or maybe you are new to it. Maybe you've seen some weeks go by when mommy hasn't written a thing. She said she's sorry and mumbled something about "having a job that pays the bills when I really want to be writing and if I could just win the lottery I would even donate most of it..."

That's where I'm hoping you can help.

Mommy is working on a project and she needs to find out from you what your favorite posts are. If you have the time, energy, or slightest desire to help a girl out, please do. It won't cost you any money, just a few minutes away from Facebook or your child or the dinner you didn't want to cook anyway. And trust me, as a 4 year-old, don't even bother cooking. All we want is some chicken nuggets and ketchup. Don't bother with a roast pan.

Please pick your favorite 3 posts and if you are really feeling ambitious, let Mommy know why you like them. And because I love my Mommy so much, please keep reading her blog. Now I'm going to remember my manners - Thank you.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Walt Disney World - I Need ANOTHER Vacation!

I certainly don't go to Walt Disney World in the summer for it's mild, spring-like weather. Or for a relaxing, peaceful getaway to recharge my batteries and come back refreshed and ready to take on life until the next vacation.

But I do go to Disney World to see this smile:

And this smile:

Oh, yes, and the innocent joy of seeing the REAL PINOCCHIO!

Wait, wait - and the REAL PLUTO!

MOMMY! Forget that Rick Springfield just walked by us! It's CHIP AND DALE!

Oh, and Mommy! Look! It's MICKEY!


It's exhausting. It's hot. But, it's THE BEST.

Meet the Lollipop Lady

On our recent trip to Disney World, my parents didn’t spoil Monkey Man one bit. They clearly understood that their money would be better put to use being squirreled away in a sock under the attic floor boards just in case this here economy decides it really doesn’t want to improve.

Please note sarcasm as thick as the New Jersey air that is lingering outside my window right now.

My parents CAN’T NOT buy Monkey Man something. Anything. Everything. And here for your reading pleasure, is a list of what my mom bought during our 2 week trip to Disney World and the Western Caribbean on the Disney Cruise:

1. Double light saber – because the 5 single ones he owns aren’t enough?
2. Pirates of the Caribbean sword
3. Hans Solo laser blaster
4. Pirates of the Caribbean gun (don’t get me started on the gun thing)
5. Swirly rainbow lollipop
6. Epcot light saber during the laser light show
7. T-Rex restaurant light-up cup
8. G-Force Hamster toy
9. Assortment of ice cream, cookies, whatever other sugary treat he so desired. I just hope she foots the bill for dental care.

Early on, during one of her wild-eyed, crazed Grandma spoiling sprees, I looked at my dear, giving mother and said, ”Do you like lollipops?”

She replied, oh so innocently and wondering what the hell I was talking about, “Why?”

“Because you sure are a sucker!” And hence, her nickname The Lollipop Lady was born.

I think I might try my hand at writing bad pick up lines.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Q & A Session #264

Mommy: "I have a baby shower to go to tomorrow."

Monkey Man: "The baby is going to take a shower?"

Mommy: "No, it' a party because my friend is going to have a baby."

Monkey Man: "Where is the baby, is she on Earth?" (he now asks if everything is on Earth. "Am I on Earth? Is the house on Earth? Are the clouds on Earth?" This last question led to a one-sided discussion about the atmosphere in which I not only bored Monkey Man, but myself, too. I think I confused myself, too. I didn't realize I needed a degree in astronomy and meteorology to become a parent).

Mommy: "Yes, the baby is on Earth. She is in her mommy's belly."

Monkey Man: "How will she get out of her belly? How did I get out of your belly?"

Mommy: Silence. Do I tell him now how his birth was the most excruciating pain I've ever felt? Is this the time that he learns his head was the size and shape of a ripened watermelon right off the vine? "You just did. You came out." BRILLIANT!

Monkey Man: "You had a zipper on your belly and I just unzipped it."

Mommy: "Yes, that's how you got out."