Friday, July 23, 2010

Send Me to a Dental Institution!

Monkey Man had to get a filling. Okay, make that 2 fillings (fine, I’m lying, it was 4. I know – FOUR! What the hell? What kind of mother am I?) For the record, these cavities are NOT a result of lackluster brushing and poor oral health. We brush morning and night, (sometimes during the day), we floss, we swish with water after treats if we can't brush, we drink milk and water with an occasional juice. I brush his teeth with such passion, such gusto for clean teeth, that he probably has no enamel left. I blame it all on his father. Monkey Man has been given a bad hand in the tooth genetics game thanks to his dear old dad. At least he has my good looks and charming personality.

When the dentist showed me the x-rays and gave me the shocking news, I almost cried. Part of me was afraid that Child Protective Services was lurking around the large, colorful mural of The Plaque-inator ready to cuff me for teeth negligence – because, really, 4 cavities? How do I explain this? But mostly I almost cried because Monkey Man will now have to pay for his own college education. You see, in order to simplify my life, I have the dentist’s bank account linked to Monkey Man’s college savings account. It’s just easier to transfer the funds directly to Dr. Ben. He’s a nice guy, and hey, if I can contribute to his kids’ college fund, it’s the least I can do.

With the miracle of dental science, comes happy gas for the preschoolers. Because Monkey Man is not silly enough, let’s jack him up on some nitrous oxide and see how this rides out. Well, let me tell you, he had me nearly peeing in my pants in the corner of the room.

Mommy: “Hey, buddy, how you doing?”
Monkey Man: “Hi, Mommy!” he responded giggling. Then he turned his head towards Dr. Ben and said, “You’re the bestest dentist in the whole wide world. I want to stay here for 356 days!”

Dr. Ben looked at me and smiled. I told Dr. Ben that Monkey Man was probably on to something – a little child labor in exchange for dental work. Dr. Ben and I are working out the details.

1 comment:

Tamara said...

At least Monkey Man has BEEN to the dentist! Andrew's never set foot in a dentist's office. It's my secret shame.

Glad the nitrous turned the fillings into a do-able situation!