Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Would You Like Some Cheese with that Bologna Beating?

Let’s just say little man had THAT KIND OF DAY. Without going into detail now, he was behaving terrible two times 9 bajillion. So, what else would a mother do to remedy this situation but take the tyke for a peaceful, relaxing trip to the grocery store? Please don’t give me an IQ test now. I won’t do very well.

Grocery shopping actually went pretty well, but I still had some pent up frustration and anger from the day’s events to let out. And since I don’t beat my child, I thought, “Why not take this out on some unsuspecting customer at the deli counter?”

When I arrived at the deli to order my cheese, I was the only one there. Preoccupied with my toddler (whom I will add was working his way out of my eyesight – first time out of the shopping cart – IQ falling fast, into the single digits) I didn’t take a ticket. There was nobody standing there and I just forgot. Then I noticed a woman saddle up alongside me and take a ticket and I thought, “Great, now I have to wait.” So I took my ticket like a law-abiding deli counter customer. I looked over to the woman just as she realized she didn’t get a number on her ticket.

Victory! I actually got the first ticket. Remember, I was there before her, anyway. She turned to me and said, “I didn’t get a number, did you?” I told her, yes, I did (and in my head added, “Nanny, nanny poo poo!”). She then pulled the next ticket and had the testicles of a Clydesdale horse to say to me, “Let’s switch, okay?” while jutting her ticket under my nose. So, with absolutely no sarcasm to my reply I stated, “Sure, since I was here first anyway.” (cue rolling eyes, whatever “W” of Clueless movie days). And for those of you who know me, I didn’t make any facial expressions to show my astonishment and disgust because I hide my emotions so well. And for those of you who don’t know me, sometimes I bleed sarcasm.

Well, Deli Man was standing there with a roll of bologna three feet long prepared to club us to separate this cat fight. But, alas, all stayed calm as deli lady caught a clue and realized her asinine remark. I may have lost my schnitzel on her, but I got my cheese – and first, thank you very much.

1 comment:

Leighann said...

I think that we may very well have been separated at birth.

Just sayin.