Would You Like Some Cheese with that Bologna Beating?

Let’s just say little man had THAT KIND OF DAY. Without going into detail now, he was behaving terrible two times 9 bajillion. So, what else would a mother do to remedy this situation but take the tyke for a peaceful, relaxing trip to the grocery store? Please don’t give me an IQ test now. I won’t do very well.

Grocery shopping actually went pretty well, but I still had some pent up frustration and anger from the day’s events to let out. And since I don’t beat my child, I thought, “Why not take this out on some unsuspecting customer at the deli counter?”

When I arrived at the deli to order my cheese, I was the only one there. Preoccupied with my toddler (whom I will add was working his way out of my eyesight – first time out of the shopping cart – IQ falling fast, into the single digits) I didn’t take a ticket. There was nobody standing there and I just forgot. Then I noticed a woman saddle up alongside me and take a ticket and I thought, “Great, now I have to wait.” So I took my ticket like a law-abiding deli counter customer. I looked over to the woman just as she realized she didn’t get a number on her ticket.

Victory! I actually got the first ticket. Remember, I was there before her, anyway. She turned to me and said, “I didn’t get a number, did you?” I told her, yes, I did (and in my head added, “Nanny, nanny poo poo!”). She then pulled the next ticket and had the testicles of a Clydesdale horse to say to me, “Let’s switch, okay?” while jutting her ticket under my nose. So, with absolutely no sarcasm to my reply I stated, “Sure, since I was here first anyway.” (cue rolling eyes, whatever “W” of Clueless movie days). And for those of you who know me, I didn’t make any facial expressions to show my astonishment and disgust because I hide my emotions so well. And for those of you who don’t know me, sometimes I bleed sarcasm.

Well, Deli Man was standing there with a roll of bologna three feet long prepared to club us to separate this cat fight. But, alas, all stayed calm as deli lady caught a clue and realized her asinine remark. I may have lost my schnitzel on her, but I got my cheese – and first, thank you very much.