Saturday, October 24, 2009


TO: Monkey Man

FROM: Your Mother

DATE: October 23, 2009

RE: Your Sleeping Habits

As per this past week’s wake-up schedule, I am ordering you to sleep later. We’ve had several discussions about your readiness to take on the day at 5:30, and after ignoring my 5 requests, I’m making demands. You are not a 4 week-old with a tiny belly unable to hold more than 3 hours worth of food. You are 4.7 years-old and completely capable of waiting until the sun rises to start screaming at me that, “I want waffles. No, I want oatmeal. No, no, waffles. I want to play the Wii. I want to put on my Luke Skywalker costume.”

You wonder why your mother is a cranky bitch in the morning? It’s because mornings and I already don’t get along very nicely, and then we add in your very cute, but constant chatter. I don’t enjoy the simple sound of your father’s breathing in the morning, let alone questions like, “Do you think a tiger or a shark would hurt worser? Who’s older, you or daddy? Is a spaceship faster than a car? Do I have swimming class the day after tomorrow or the day after the day after tomorrow?” It’s just exhausting.

You will be 13 in just 8 ½ years. I am fully expecting on the day you enter your tumultuous teen years, you will sleep until noon. I dream about that day, the day when I, too, can actually enjoy a Saturday morning in bed. Without some Disney or PBS show on in an attempt to keep you quiet. I will not be that mom who yells at you to rise and shine and start your day. Nope, no worries there, Monkey Man. I will be in the next room in sweet, Saturday morning slumber, enjoying every minute getting back the sleep you’ve stolen from me since that precious day you were born.


Aim said...

this is very funny. I don't think you have to worry about Saturdays when he's a's getting up for school that royally sucks!

youarekiddingme said...

Getting up for school, the rush in the morning for work and school - yuck. Sleeping in on the weekends better start NEXT YEAR when he goes to kindergarten!