Thursday, October 15, 2009

Mother Nature is a Bully

Something is going on outside which makes me want to meet up with Mother Nature at 3 p.m. on the playground tomorrow and give her a little piece of my mind - It is snowing. On October 15. And I don’t live in Wisconsin, North Dakota, or Antarctica. I live in Northern New Jersey, and although it may not be the balmiest of places in October, it does not snow. I repeat. It DOES NOT SNOW. I do not enjoy cold weather during the real winter. It's not so much the snow that bothers me, but the cold weather that makes it scientifically possible for it to snow.

Because of this cruel joke that the bitch is playing, Monkey Man is insisting that Christmas is just ‘round the corner. He is sitting on the couch looking out the window as I type asking me to go outside and have a snowball fight. A snowball fight with all ¼ of an inch that is on the ground.

Monkey Man: “Mommy, is Santa coming? I want Santa to come!”
Mommy: “No, it’s not Christmastime yet.”
Monkey Man: “But it’s snowing! Santa comes when it’s snowing.”

He does not understand yet that we just “celebrated” (i.e. enjoyed a nice day off from work) the fact that Columbus supposedly discovered this country. For God’s sake, the freakin’ Great Pumpkin hasn’t even showed up yet.

Mother Nature, you ripped this summer from our hands and gave us 50 degrees in June and 60 degrees in July. I have one simple request, Mother Nature. Cut the crap.

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