Friday, April 30, 2010

Memo to Mr. Pop'em

TO: Entenmann's CEO
FROM: A concerned consumer
RE: Holiday Pop'ems production calendar
DATE: April 30, 2010

I am a lover of your Holiday Pop'ems line. Your regular Pop'ems are fine, I've indulged in those basic donut holes just a few times in my life, and they are quite easy to pass by in the grocery store without drool dripping down my chin. But the Holiday Pop'em, the chocolate variety layered in sprinkles, beckon to me like a choir of angels. A choir of sadistic angels that know very well that I workout hard and nearly kill myself in kickboxing. Yet they sing to me, shout to me, practically bounce their way out of the box right into my mouth.

As ridiculously addicting and bad for every part of my body as these delectable balls are, they just aren't around enough throughout the year. As you know, these Holiday Pop'ems only come out a few times a year: Christmas, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, 4th of July, and Halloween. Let me tell you, CEO, there is entirely TOO MUCH TIME between Easter and the 4th of July AND THEN between the celebration of our nation's independence to Halloween.

And this is where my complaint letter becomes a helpful letter with a solution. Let me introduce to you the Mother’s Day Pop’em. Every mother on this planet wants little else but to indulge in some evil, sugary treat (or indulge in alcohol, but one can still function and raise children under the influence of the Pop’em. Although I have eaten myself into a sugar coma on occasion from the inhaling of one too many. It hasn’t caused me to miss school pick up, but I did have to wipe my chin extra good from the multi-colored sprinkle goatee I gave myself).

The Mother’s Day Pop’em could have pretty multi-colored sprinkles to represent the beautiful mommies out there, all quite different but yet all the same in their love of chocolate and sugar and heaven (oh, yes, and our love for our children).

I'm still working on the filler for that 4th of July to Halloween gap. In addition to the Holiday Pop’em, I do love Italian food, so maybe Columbus Day to thank the Italians for some kickass cuisine. And MTV's Jersey Shore. Yes, there you have it. We definitely need a Pop'em to thank our fine Italian friends for producing such outstanding people as Snooki and Pauly D.

Someone who would really just like sprinkled Pop'ems 365 days a year

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