Re: Well, We Won’t Be Doing THAT Next Year – Part II
Date:January 24, 2011
This memo is a continuation from the previous memo, “Well, We Won’t Be Doing THAT Next Year” Part I. Because there needs to be a Part II. New York City was just so full of fun and frolic that it needed its very own memo.
And now, Self, I give you a few more traditions in detail so as to not make these merry mistakes again next year:
1. Making a Gingerbread House looks so easy, what with it’s 4 walls and 2 roof pieces, some icing, candies and voila! Insta-holiday tradition! Well, when the walls are supposed to magically stay together with sugar and water and mommy starts mumbling “Oh, sh@! under her breath, while holding two walls together and then the third one falls and I try to catch that one, and then it’s like a game of Whack-A-Mole, it makes for a not so fun time at the dining room table.
Being a pastry chef is also not in my professional future as I can’t even correctly hold the bag of icing without it plopping out the other end of the bag all over the table. And let’s not even get into how the minute the house was done, Monkey Man wanted to eat it. Listen, child. I just spent a frustrating 45 minutes trying to make this thing look like a sweet, appetizing dwelling. It WILL be a decoration for at least one day. Now scram with your grubby little fingers and sugar addiction.
Am I smiling because it's finally done or because I know I will never endure the mess and frustration of this project again? Both.
2. The Elf will not be coming to leave chocolates in our Advent Calendar. I’d like to say that it’s because I really thought about it, and feel it’s sacrilegious to incorporate an elf into the calendar leading up to the birth of Our Savior. But I can’t lie to myself. This task was way too stressful for 24 nights. That’s 24 mornings of waking up in a sweat thinking, “Crap! I think I forgot to put that damn chocolate in the calendar,” then hearing Monkey Man confirm my anxiety with, “MOMMMM! The elf didn’t come. Friggin’ elf needs to get his sh@! together.
3. Although I will continue to make Christmas cookies with my mom, sister, niece and Monkey Man, I WILL NOT bring those cookies home. My good intentions of wrapping them up in cute little bags with ribbons and tags ends the same way every year – those cookies go from tin to mouth in a matter of days. I am in awe of the people who actually GIVE their cookies away. I’m sorry, but I just made dozens of homemade chocolate chip cookies. I don’t care how much I like you, I’m not sharing.
On a more positive note, there are a few holiday traditions that I will continue to do for as long as possible:
Of course, we will visit Santa, because time’s ticking on how long a certain little boy is going to believe (sniffle sniffle).
We went to a local county zoo this year for their Holiday Lights display and it was a wonderful family activity that we all enjoyed. Seriously. I’m actually not being sarcastic.
Fortunately, Monkey Man was not alarmed by the Dollar Store outfitted Frosty. I'm pretty sure Frosty had a little moonshine in a flask under that costume.
We will leave cookies out for Santa even after Monkey Man is grown, out of the house and doing this with his own children. Because this here Santa needs just another excuse to eat cookies.