While sitting at dinner tonight with Monkey Man and his friend, conversation turned to the bananas sitting in the fruit bowl in the middle of the table.
Monkey Man's Friend: "I can't eat bananas."
Me: "Why? Are you allergic?" I asked, even though I was pretty sure he didn't have any food allergies.
Friend: "I have a pooping issue."
This was said so matter-of-factly, so just regular conversation, that the 3 of us continued to sit, straight-faced as if Monkey Man's friend was commenting on the unusually chilly May weather. I wasn't sure if I was sitting with two 5 year-olds, or at the 4 p.m. dinner seating at a nursing home, what with all the talk of intestinal matters and whatnot.
Monkey Man's friend continued:
Friend: "I take medicine. It gets hard, well, sometimes it's not too hard, but it's really big."
How I stifled the laughter that was causing the cacophony in my brain and did not choke on my whole wheat spiral pasta is beyond comprehension. I didn't need to ask any questions, just interjected the polite "Oh" because Monkey Man's friend was very willing to offer information on the inner workings of his bowels.
Friend: "One time it took me 2 hours to poop."
This is why 5 year-olds are so awesome. Wondering what's going on in their minds? Wonder no more, for they will tell you, in all their descriptive language, what's pumping through that brain of theirs.