Ice, Ice Baby

Monkey Man broke his collar bone, or as they say in the medical field, his left clavicle. Or as a New Jersey mom says (that’s me), “&%#$, he broke a friggin’ bone.” It happened last Sunday. I think most moms, of boys especially, expect this several times in the lives of their sons. But I am the absolute worst person to have around in an emergency. So it only makes sense that when he broke his collar bone, he was with me and not Hubby.

We went ice skating. We went round and round the rink lots of times and Monkey Man took several spills as everyone does. He fell on his butt, he fell on his hands, he fell with his legs sprawled out like Bambi sliding across the frozen pond. But the last spill, which looked like an “easy” fall, landed him on his shoulder, which I’ve since learned is one of the two common ways in which the collar bone breaks. Being a parent has proven to be very educational. I would have gone to medical school if I really desired to be so knowledgeable in the field of bones and blood.

As soon as he fell, he cried. Hard. Monkey Man doesn’t cry unless something is very wrong. So there I was, the parent who sucks in an emergency in a situation where something was very wrong. But I am proud to say I was a big girl. I kept myself together. And clearly this was all about me and how I could actually be a mother in this situation and not scream for my own mother. What kept me calm, though, was that even though he was crying and clearly in pain, I felt like he was okay because I saw him fall and it wasn’t hard. And that’s why I do not have a medical degree. Doesn’t matter how hard the fall is, it’s how they fall. And he did it perfectly.

Fast forward. The Sunday afternoon ER visit showed us a break to his left clavicle. As soon as Monkey Man heard that it was officially broken, he declared, “I have a broken bone just like Danny!” Danny is his 16 year-old cousin who broke his arm very badly (like steel rods, surgery badly) a few years ago. And when Monkey Man was given his sling, well, you would think the child just got a trophy for “Most Badass Fall on the Ice” because he was beaming.

The rest of the night, he just kept saying, “Well, I guess it’s confirmed. Yep, it’s broke.” He would go check himself out in the mirror. When he went to school, he wanted his jacket zipped only so far so that you could see the sling. Thanks to Hubby’s suggestions, he wondered if the girls in school would be all, “Aww, how are you? Do you need help?” He got to have ice cream for dinner that night and some sucker bought him a new Wii game just 2 weeks after Christmas (sucker=me). This kid is going to milk this long after the pain subsides.