While getting ready for the shower the other night, Monkey Man pointed to his chest and asked me, "Mom, what are these called? Nibbles?"
I tried not to laugh, because it was so freakin' cute, but I didn't want him to feel embarrassed especially because of the impending body part talk that was coming. "They are called nipples," I replied, in my best Serious Health Teacher Anatomy Lesson voice.
"Why are they long on ladies?" he inquired, having obviously viewed cows walking around on their hind legs because certainly he was confusing breasts with udders? Here is when composure went flying out the window. I'm sorry, but I pictured some tubular-like objects projecting from a woman's chest. Sort of like early-90s Madonna, but not as pointy. "Like when I go to the gym with you, they bounce up and down on the girls." Oh. Lord. Help. Me.
Deep breath, regain composure, and delve into the body part speech. Monkey Man has known the "proper" words for penis and vagina for years now, and they are no biggie. However, we just never went into the breast realm.
"Boys and girls both have chests and both have nipples," I said, trying not to let on that I was in disbelief I had to have this conversation with my 6 year-old boy. "When girls grow up, their chests grow (blah, blah, blah - I don't think you readers out there need this lesson. You were probably taught it via film strip circa 1985).
The lesson we have learned from all of this? In the male division of "Boob Man" Vs. "Butt Man," I think we see which side my son is on. Once again, Oh. Lord. Help. Me.