Thursday, July 24, 2008

On the 10th Day of Rick Springfield...

My obsession gave to me:
My deeply religious side.

Dear Lord,
You have blessed me in many ways throughout my boy-crazy, star-struck life. At the tender age of 6, you put on my TV a telethon in which John Schneider (Bo Duke at the time) was working the phones. Because it was in your great plan for me, my dad called the telethon and I spoke to Bo Duke. Lord, thank you for that first experience with stalking celebrities.

Your presence was at its strongest when I was 16 and my friends and I got backstage passes to meet the New Kids on the Block. Although only Donnie Wahlberg showed up, and I cried great tears of joy and celebration, I know that it just opened the door for what you have in store for me on September 23, 2008 when I see the New Kids at the Izod Center (hint, hint).

Now, at this point in my life, a time when I should very well be over my hormonal, pubescent behavior, you have brought Rick Springfield to me. He was always there, an old favorite that sometimes got overlooked because of Kirk Cameron, Jonathan Knight, Tom Cruise, and other flavors of the month. But because I am older and wiser, I know that he is the one celebrity worthy of taking my attention away from work, husband, child, and other life responsibilities. You would not have made such a perfect specimen, a man almost 60 years-old, to look like that, to sing like that, to rock like that, if you didn’t want women to forget about their real lives and sink into the delusional world of believing that they are Mrs. Rick Springfield.

As I approach another Rick concert, I ask you to be with me in Oyster Bay, LI. Please let us arrive safely and within a reasonable amount of time given that we have to drive on the Long Island Expressway and you and I both know that Satan built that road. Please give me the strength to jump on chairs, over chairs, between chairs and any other stunt I need to pull in order to get another Human Touch. I do not mean to partake in the sins of Greed and Lust, but Lord, just allow me one more hug and a touch of his buttocks.

I have faith in you, Lord, that what is meant to be will happen. Please remember the awesome new camera that you blessed us with and what great pictures I can get if the aforementioned occurs Saturday night. I will even post the pictures on this blog for everyone to enjoy, because I know you would want me to share the joy you have given me with others. I have learned selflessness through you.

And please let me win the Mega Millions Lottery. World Peace would be awesome, too.

Amen.

4 comments:

Tamara said...

Hallelujah, sista! :-)

youarekiddingme said...

And Praise Be to the Rock God!

Liz said...

After our legs workout, we may not be able to leap over chairs!

youarekiddingme said...

Yay, Liz, with the comment! I'm just hoping the arm workout today does not impair my butt touching abilities.